


Ichigo

by Harridan



Series: Despair and Joy [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Semi-Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 11:31:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8142164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harridan/pseuds/Harridan
Summary: The story of Rukia's reaction to parting with Ichigo.  Post-684





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the companion piece to [Her](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8138960)  
> Tagged as IchiRuki since it deals more with their relationship than "Her" did.

Yhwach is defeated. Since his defeat I’ve been doing my best as Fukutaicho of the Thirteenth to help put Soul Society back together. I have been playing a crucial role in the alliance with Hueco Mundo. Grimmjow and Harribel believe that we are giving them free reign so long as they keep their fellow Hollows out of the Human World. In reality Nel reports to me whenever something comes up that could be problematic for the Shinigami. So far nothing has come up that we couldn’t solve peacefully, but she and I both know that it’s just a matter of time.

 

I was there when we put Aizen back into his prison. I tried to get the rest of the Shinigami to side with Ichigo, but they wouldn’t budge on the matter. Perhaps it’s for the best. He did try to take over the entirety of Soul Society not so long ago. Aizen may have been crucial to the defeat of Yhwach, but that still doesn’t excuse his actions.

 

Every few weeks or so I receive a letter from the Urahara Shop. They’ve moved since Yhwach’s defeat. No one knows this, but Urahara’s letters have secret messages on them that react to my reiatsu. One of the secrets on each message is the hideout they are writing from at that time. Other than that though, the secrets tend to only be Urahara asking about Ichigo and I visiting them soon. I haven’t visited yet. Nor have I told Ichigo of the secret messages.

 

Ukitake-taicho was put to rest once we had cleared the graveyard. Kyoraku-sotaicho visits him almost every day. Sometimes I join him. Ichigo was there when we buried him. Ichigo avoided me the entire time. Just like I avoided Ichigo when I was needed to help defeat Yhwach. A few weeks later Ichigo and I finally talked. We made up. Neither Ichigo nor I knew what had caused this rift that had formed between us, but we closed it. Then and there.

 

For the next few months we were inseparable. Kyoraku-sotaicho gave me special permission to stay in the Human World for as long as I wanted. I think he wanted me to bring Ichigo back with me after all was said and done. Things between Ichigo and I were better than they had ever been before. Without the threat of war on the horizon we were finally able to explore the feelings, the love, we shared for each other.

 

On one occasion Ichigo’s father brought us to Masaki’s grave. He told us everything about how they met. About how Masaki was a Quincy. How he, and by extension Ichigo, is a member of the Shiba clan. Then he told me specifically how grateful he is that I brought Ichigo into the world of Shinigami. How grateful he is that he himself can reconnect to his lost family because of it. How grateful he is that I gave Ichigo the power to protect. He left us alone to talk then. Ichigo finally told me about the death of Masaki. I told Ichigo about Kaein. About how much they looked alike. About how I had to kill him. About how I also had to kill an Arrancar that looked just like him.

 

After baring ourselves to each other like this we dove deeper and deeper into our love. Growing closer with each passing day. Then that fateful day came. Ichigo and I felt Yhwach’s power building again. We remembered his promise. Ichigo and I parted ways. I entered the Senkaimon, tears starting to fall from my eyes. I had to hold it together, at least until the gates closed. I couldn’t let Ichigo hear my weeping. I couldn’t let Ichigo know just how much this hurt me. I held out as long as I could. The weeping started just before the doors closed. I pray that Ichigo didn’t hear me.

 

When I arrive in Soul Society, Renji is there to greet me.

 

“Looks like you couldn’t convince Ichigo to come wi-,” he stops, noticing my tears. “What happened?” Renji asks, rushing over to wrap me in his arms.

 

“Ichigo and I can’t be together anymore,” I choke out through my tears. “We felt it. He was coming back. In our happiest moment. Just like he promised.”

 

He holds me tighter, “I’m so sorry Rukia.”

 

It’s in this moment that I let my grief take me. Something I haven’t done in years. I always knew Ichigo was really the strong one between us. Renji has to help me to get back home. He brings Matsumoto-fukutaicho to stay with and comfort me. He leaves again for a few hours. When he comes back he tells me that Kyoraku-sotaicho wants Matsumoto to stay with me until I’m able to resume my duties. He says I’m not to return to active duty until he thinks I’m up to it. I try to argue against it. He says I have no say in the matter.

 

Matsumoto-fukutaicho is there with me everyday, just like I was told she would be. I often get visits from some of the other Shinigami women. I suppose they feel that they need to stick with me in my time of lost love. They try not to mention Ichigo by name. On one occasion, as she leaves, I hear Kiyone mention how unfair it is that Ichigo and I don’t get to be together. Matsumoto shushes her. Rightfully afraid that I may have heard.

 

Kyoraku-sotaicho visits as often as he can. The only time I’m allowed to leave my home is to join him at Ukitake-taicho’s grave. As bad as it sounds, mourning Ukitake-taicho helps. Not much, but it’s better than nothing. Kyoraku-sotaicho tells me that if there is anything I need, he will do his best to provide it. I tell him that even he can’t give me the one thing I need most. He lets out a sorrowful sigh and apologizes, telling me that if he could give that, he would in an instant.

 

Nii-sama does his best to comfort me. Though he and Ichigo never got along, he still recognizes how painful this is. He tells me that this pain I’m feeling must be just as strong, if not stronger, than the pain he felt when Hisana passed. After all, Ichigo and I are still alive. Still alive, yet doomed to never be with the person we love. When Nii-sama tells me this it makes everything worse. I break down in his arms. I tell him that in my most grief-filled moments, moments like right now, I consider going to be with Ichigo anyway. He tells me that he knows. He tells me that this is the surest sign that what Ichigo and I have is love. He also tells me that if I were to make that decision, he wouldn’t stop me. Nii-sama says that if anyone that fought in this war deserves to be happy, it’s Ichigo and I. He says that he knows I won’t do it. He knows that that is not who I am. He knows that if I _were_ to do it, I would regret my decision almost immediately and come back. He’s not wrong.

 

Renji rarely visits me. I can only assume it’s because he doesn’t want to see his oldest friend reduced to this. I don’t blame him. During one of his few visits, he says he is going to bring Ichigo here. To be with me. To pull me from this grief. He says that we can fight Yhwach. All of us. Together. Nii-sama is here during this conversation. I make him promise not to let Renji bring Ichigo. No matter what. He agrees.

 

The one thing that helps most during all of this is my relationship with Sode no Shirayuki. I talk to her everyday. She comforts me more than any of my friends can. I guess that’s one of the benefits of zanpakuto spirits. They always know just what you need to hear.

 

I’m confined to my home for nearly a month before Kyoraku-sotaicho allows me to finally come back to active duty. Although I’m sure it would have been longer had I not had Sode no Shirayuki to talk to. About two weeks after I resume my duties, I receive a new letter from Urahara. I ignore the standard “We are still alive” and skip to the secret message.

 

_Kuchiki-san, why haven’t you been reading the letters I’ve sent over the last few weeks? I haven’t detected that the letters have been touching your reiatsu. Is everything alright? We thought that we sensed Yhwach’s power. It was gone almost as soon as it appeared. Do the rest of the Shinigami know about this? I’ve left a spare sheet of paper in the envelope. If you just write a message on it we will receive it. You don’t even have to send it. Please reply Kuchiki-san. Or, better yet, you and Kurosaki-san can come visit and tell us what’s going on._

 

I fish out the extra sheet of paper from the envelope. What am I supposed to tell him? Everything I guess.

 

_Urahara-san, you did feel Yhwach’s power start to return. Yes, the other Shinigami know about this. You see, he made a promise at the end. He promised that if he was pursued, he would find us in our happiest moment and slaughter us. Ichigo and I were the cause of his power beginning to return. We had to separate. Ichigo and I made each other too happy. That is also why I haven’t been reading your letters. After I left the Human World, Kyoraku-sotaicho had me taken off of active duty until my grief was manageable enough to return. I can only assume that he confiscated any letters you sent during that time. I’m sorry that I never brought Ichigo to visit. I wish I had now. Now that we can’t. I’m so sorry Urahara-san. I’m sorry that I can’t repay you for all you’ve done. Please don’t write me anymore._

 

I only receive one more letter from Urahara. There is no declaration that they live. There is no secret message. Scrawled on the letter there is only one statement. It’s not in Urahara’s usual clean script. It’s as if he were consumed with rage while writing this.

 

_I will fix this, Kuchiki-san._


End file.
